my third eye

Its been a long time coming...

Doubt a lot of people read my journal on here since I've been terrible at updating it. But as with most life-altering changes I had posted about on here, this one is as real as it gets. I'm finally moving back to San Diego, California in less than two weeks. I have a surge of emotions going as I'm scared, excited, sad, happy, regretful and hopeful all at the same time. I moved to Milwaukee 4 years ago in pursuit of something different, a change of pace, new fresh faces, different views on life, and love. But when everything fell apart with my relationship, it was undoubtedly the most trying times of my life. I hated life, humanity, and views on love. I was pretty much set on being single for the rest of my life and the funny thing is, I was okay with that idea. All I needed to get me by was my family and close friends. Cos I know that they would be loyal to the end and that protecting them was all I could ever care about. I truly am the soldier of solace and there is not one person who could ever understand that about me. My hopes and dreams altered in a shattered world and I'm taking all this experience with me back home. As someone who has grown. As someone who will never forget and carry this pain with me always, as a reminder of how I lost who I was. A happy-go-lucky carefree guy with a vision and wonderment that wanted to be shared with the rest of the world. Maybe this will be the first steps in the process of finding that again but I don't know. Some chapters in life are left to be closed for good and I feel that this story has long burned its pages, never to be retraced again.

Aside all that, I am grateful for the lessons life threw my way. I'm thankful for the friends I have made in my wake. It reminded me of how wonderful life and humanity can be. No matter how small a city or community is, there are so many different walks in life... and that's what kept my fascination going. My visions intact as my surreal world gets painted on canvas, it was because of the daily routines of life, were broken with a different shade of light I have not seen before. I will miss many things here cos I'm leaving a life I thought was designed for me but I know that this is not who I am. I can put on a fake smile and no one will notice just how broken I really am. There will never be anyway to fix that. The experiences here are scars for life. The good. The bad. And everything in-between. But as with time, I will remain constant. I will keep moving forward. One foot in front of the other and with every breath I take, if you promise to never give up on me, I promise that my smiles will be sincere. I promise you. As the ocean calls my name, I can't wait to call it day with my favorite west coast friend... the sunset. It's been too long since I felt that safe and warm.
my third eye

wow...

9 months since an update and it's weird people still post in here... Tho many have moved on. Livejournal you used to be so epic... guess all great things eventually cease. Still alive and still kicking to those who dont follow me on Facebook or google+. Ill be Cali bound (for good) hopefully by the end of october. we shall see how it all pans out. Til then i hope every one is doing well.
my third eye

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.The road less traveled.

 
Where do you go when you feel lost? Do you eventually find yourself again or do you continually search for something new within you?

We get so high up sometimes, that we get intimidated to climb higher and going down is the only safe way we know, even at our own expense. Never stop in your adventures.

Also taken at the Lynden Sculpture Garden with my Hipstamatic app.

Lens: John S
Film: Ina's 1969
Flash: Off
my third eye

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.Im Half-Alive.


...but I feel mostly dead. ~Jewel

We waste away as time ticks nonstop. The days are numbered when we feel old. How long do we have to wait to quench our thirst for feeling alive? Days, months, years? Only we know when the time is right to move on.

Taken at The Lynden Sculpture Garden in Wisconsin with my Hipstamatic app on my iphone.

Lens: Kaimal Mark II
Film: Kodot Verichrome
Flash: Off



my third eye

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.Downward Spiral.


We have our highs and lows in life. We can get caught up in continually getting knocked down and sometimes we give up and stay down. But after awhile, we slowly get back up and try again. We rarely get to the top but we can look back and see how far we've come. We can smile then and hope that it only gets better from that point.

Taken inside of the Contemporary Art museum of Chicago.
my third eye

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There's always a light at the end of your dark passageways in life. It's a choice to follow that light or to wallow in the depths of bitterness and despair. Shape your future as you would shape the rays of your own light. It doesn't have to brightest light, just as long as you see that there is hope...because there is always hope.



.The Shining Force.